I have entertained angels--not by choice.

To Whom It May Concern-----

            Congressman Mo Brooks recently made me aware of the burden I, and others with pre-existing conditions, have been putting on all of those who have done things “right.”   I cannot tell the feelings I have over this sudden epiphany—I have been so selfish to expect someone else to pay into the same system I do—a person living with M.S. having the same health care as someone who doesn’t—appalling!

            So, I thought it might be appropriate to write an apology for this inconvenience, this burden, but the trouble is I am not sure who that person might be.  Given the criteria, this is not an easy task.

Let’s start with these requirements:                                                                            

I need to find the neighbor that has never:

·         Eaten a Twinkie or an Italian sub or Velveeta cheese, a chip, a cheese stick (you remember those packages of cheese and sticks to dip in—and don’t tell me you never licked the plastic wrapper), French Fries, whipped cream from a can or even better-Cool Whip, or anything else laced with toxic preservatives.

·         Drank a diet soda, drank too much coffee, too little coffee, too much water, too little water or more than one glass of red wine with dinner.

·         Speaking of toxins—must never have dyed their hair and what about tattoos? Do we really know if that ink is safe? 

• ·         Lived in a home with toxic mold.
• ·         Been in a car accident.
• ·         Been in a fire.
• ·         Has never been divorced, lost a job, experienced a break-up, moved, or been homeless.
• ·         Has never been to war.
• ·         Never worked around asbestos.
• ·         Been in the sun too long, YET, remembers to take vitamin D as well.
• ·         Allergies –especially those requiring an epi-pen.
• ·         Had diabetes.

The list could go on but this is a good start—autoimmune disease, PTSD, asthma, stress, depression, cancer and premature births could be a result of such choices, of such crazy and wayward living.

This person must:

• ·         Have their own insurance or be born into a family with insurance.
• ·         Be employed and earn enough to never be hungry, cold or without a phone and electricity.
• ·         Be able to go to the dentist—that means have the cash and the transportation, dental disease is bad for the whole body.
• ·         Have a body mass proper for their height and weight.—Is there a proper height and weight?  Is it the same for all of us?
• ·         Have transportation.
• ·         Must have genetic testing to prepare for the possible condition that might put them in the dreaded “Pre-existing” category.
• ·         Exercise!  That means 30 minutes of cardio three times a week, some weight bearing exercises, and walks every day.
• ·         Get a good night’s sleep every night.
• ·         Most importantly this person must continue to live this healthy life in order to get through that gap year.  You know that gap year?  The year when you leave your employer’s insurance and move into retirement, or the year you come off of your parent’s insurance and move onto….? 
• ·         Be willing to move to another state to get insurance if their state doesn’t accept the waiver..just because one person is making healthy choices doesn’t mean all the people in that family are.  Healthy people can have family members with pre-existing conditions.
• ·         Never age---once a person is a senior citizen they have pre=existing conditions-after the age of 50 we are all immune compromised.

            Of course this part of the list is a little difficult because the things I think were right didn’t cut it so maybe shopping at Whole Foods, and drinking a certain type of bottled water should be on the “must do” list, maybe there are types of friends, private schools and shopping malls I should have paid more attention to as well.  I imagine a college education and no more than 2.4 children would be ideal---does it matter how my children look?  Hmmm….Congressman Woods---Does that matter?

            Now this living right loses ground when we think of all those born with a condition that is “taxing” on our healthy neighbors. 

What about the baby resting comfortably in a womb awaiting the bright lights of life to shine on them?

About 3%, with no power of a choice, of these children will rely on us to ensure they get to live out their pursuit of happiness.  Of course we could go Old Testament and blame the parents—blah blah blah.

            Maybe I am being too hard on Congressman Woods, who let’s face it is taking the heat for something he must be discussing with his peers, but his voice is the one I heard/read.  And I can only imagine that he could say these words simply because he does not know what he is talking about, and honestly I am glad if he has had a life that has afforded him this ignorance.                 It is obvious he has never thought about hoarding medicine, never asked a spouse to stay at a job for the insurance, and never told his family that he would stop a treatment before putting his family into a financial crisis.   

            This may also mean he has never experienced the kindness and generosity of family, neighbors and strangers alike when one is experiencing physical and chronic illnesses.  He has never had to accept charity to afford treatment or physical assistance to accommodate a need. 

            I said my prayers every night, I still say my prayers every night, loved and love my family, read good books, read good books to our children, I made mistakes, I did not always treat my body as well as I could, I was too hard on our children, I was too easy on our children, I tried my best to be kind, to love well, to appreciate each person as their very own story. There are things I would change and things I wish never occurred but I have entertained angels unaware (Hebrews 13:2) because of my circumstances and I can’t imagine losing that. 

            Yesterday I went to have a haircut and as it became increasingly difficult for me to keep my head back against the sink, and even more difficult to lift my head from the sink, I allowed the very kind and gentle hands of an angel (so to speak) to lift me up. 

              Remembering that moment, all the humility (NOT a negative word) and the gratitude, a greater truth was revealed--it may be that the public vulnerability some of us share may make people uncomfortable with their own vulnerabilities, and if there were a “right way of living” we could prevent all that messy stuff.  Wearing the places we need help out on our own sleeves. 

            There is no “right” way to avoid all that makes this life messy, all that makes us rely on each other—nothing to apologize for—not my choice --not my fault.